The last year of my life has been THE WILDEST adventure OF MY LIFE
and looked something like this:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- March 2018: ending of a serious, 3 year relationship
- End of May 2018: moved across the country on my own to Redding, CA.
*Evacuated Redding at the end of June because of the CARR fires. Went home for a week -- while there, celebrated my 21st birthday*
*Freshly 21, I flew back to get my car from the Sacramento airport before it costed any more $ to keep there that I didn't have. Drove from there to San Luis Obispo, CA to a couple's house that were friends of my cousin's. Stayed there for 2 weeks*
-Mid August 2018: Drove back to Redding. Lived there for 3 more weeks.
-September 2018: Moved back to MI
-January 2019: Went on Carry the Love Tour and lead worship for our team as we traveled across the United States to college campuses sharing the love of Jesus and seeing miracles everywhere we turned.
-beg. of March 2019: came home for 2 and a half weeks -- in this time, I found confirmation that my heart didn't desire or feel ready to be in a relationship yet.
I was excited to be single with the Lord for a while :)
-March 20, 2019: Went on 2nd leg of Carry the love Tour.
-May 2019: Arrived back home (exactly a year from when the whole adventure started).
CURRENT: staying home for at least the next year.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wanting to put this out there first: Being away from home for almost an entire year and traveling?
I regret nothing.
I remember driving home from California with my mom. She came out so I wouldn't have to drive back alone. I said that I wasn't nervous, but knew that I was, because on the way back I got the worst heartburn i'd ever felt in MY LIFE. I honestly thought I was going to die. It was one of those moments where you're in denial, but it's literally seeping through your pores uncontrollably that you're on the edge of a mental breakdown. You know what I'm talking about?
Yep. Same.
I was just full of questions and wonder. What was the community going to be like? So much had changed in the four months I was gone, not just with home but IN ME. I was coming back a women. A different Ari. It also didn't help that just a few days before I left Redding, someone gave me the sketchiest news in the world and I wasn't the most comfortable to facing it when I got back. It's funny how certain things have such impeccable timing, isn't it? LOL. DEVIL, I bind you.
Now after this whole year, I have heard multiple different opinions on my being away. I've heard it described as "running (from God, from my actual purpose, etc. etc.)" Some have said that I was "finding myself as a woman and it was the best thing I could have done."
This all brings me to my first point in readjusting to being home.
1) Know that you do not have to explain yourself to everyone and it's also physically impossible to make everyone understand.
While you are away, you are being shaped and molded in a way that people back home are not experiencing. When I was gone, I was growing in way I could not have been if I would have stayed home like I had for the last 20 years of my life. When I got back, I TRIED to explain it all -- but I felt so torn when they certain ones understand. Sometimes even my own family, though I know they love and care for me deeply.
Some just won't understand. And that's okay! It doesn't mean anything is wrong with them OR with you! These instances and moments are something we will ALL run into after being away for while and returning home. But here's the tea:
"You can be the juiciest and ripest peach, but some people still don't like peaches."
That quote is SO true.
Also: God knows your heart. Especially the parts you don't see. All those hidden motives or little places that could be pruned off. And all of the lush, fruitful branches. He will reveal to you where you need to check yourself or grow if you let Him (let Him).
2) It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to process.
Give yourself time to adjust! Let yourself cry if you need to. Cozy up in a blanket in the living room with a hot cocoa and journal. Go on a hike. Whatever it is that allows you to process and relax, do it.
3) Keep the load LIGHT and don't overextend yourself
One thing I am incredible thankful that I did after getting back form tour was not overextending myself. When I got home from CA, I did the opposite and said yes to so many things AS SOON as I got home. And oh my word, I was STRESSSSSSSSSSSEEDDD OUTTT. And confused! Because I didn't take the time to, #1: PROCESS.
Busier does not = happier.
I'm not saying go and sit on your butt the rest of your life. But goodness gracious, whoever started the trend of being a busy body and developed the mindset that rest is laziness... hurt. society.
It's all about the motive and your heart behind it. You can rest, yet not be passive.
You NEED rest, my friend. Yes. It stinks to feel like we are letting people down sometimes by saying "no," but we are actually doing them a favor. It's best to be able to give the fullness of yourself and what you carry to a few things, than bits and pieces of yourself to tons. All the while, you're trying to keep it all together when you don't even know how YOU are feeling and doing since you have't taken the time to think about it. LOL.
GET THIS: you arrive at your friend's birthday party and walk in to the gift table. BUT, you realize that you totally forgot to go shopping for one because you just got home from a crazy trip and you're exhausted from the time difference. Also you gained a new revelation about life and it's been overwhelming you. On top of that, your pants are suffocating you because you gained 10lbs from all the travel food (true story, bro...) so you're feeling super out of it and insecure.
So now you have no gift to give and you definitely ain't gonna go wrap a cheese cracker in paper towel and write their name on it with a random mechanical pencil you found in the junk drawer....
MY POINT: We cannot give to others what we don't have ourselves.
4) Walk in love, honor, grace, mercy, and trust
When I came home I dealt with a few main things:
-nostalgia of the past
-people had to readjust and remember that I was home and could be invited to things
-felt really misunderstood. Sometimes, I still do -- but take yourself back to #1!
-certain friendships changed since I'd been gone and now it was in front of me physically. you gain a different knowledge and perspective of those who are your true/lifelong friends when you're both tested with distance and time
-my parents and siblings got older and that made me sad
The bittersweet truth is that life goes on when we leave. Different teams are built, new people come into town which means new friend circles that you aren't a part of develop. And then when you come home, you become the "new" guy even though the real "new" guys are on your own home soil. And then sometimes they talk to you like you don't know anything about the community because they don't know that you grew up there for 20 years. And THEN, they invite you to church events that little do they know, YOU helped build from the ground up. LOLLLL > bruh.
Here is the thing: Are you going to view this from the lightened side of the moon or the dark side?
In those moments like the church event things, I laugh because it's just FUNNY! LOL. I could have so easily been frustrated. Bitter. I mean yes, I felt sad often. But mostly because change was hard for me. Saying goodbye and letting go of the past isn't always the easiest, but we have to in order to move on in complete freedom. Also, people eventually started to remember I was home! It's not that they didn't care about me. Yes, certain friendships changed, but at least I was SURE of the ones that were my ride or die's and genuinely and unselfishly cared about me. And YES my family got older but JEE, my sisters are becoming such BEAUTIFUL grown ladies and my parents are healthy and still full of life. BRIGHT SIDE. Erase victim mentality. Embrace humility and joy.
Walk in grace towards those that don't understand. Have mercy on those who may have shut you out when you were gone. Walk in LOVE in every single step and decision you make. Honor those above you, including the Lord.
*5) Trust the lord will open up the right doors for you in the right time. And in the meantime, stay at His feet.
There are things I expected to start doing again when got back home that I was a big part of before I left. But what I am doing now, looks a lot different than it did then. Simply because those doors haven't been open yet. And in it all (and HECK YES, sometimes I needed to remind myself), I knew that God saw where I was and there was a reason I was where I was.
A couple of months later, I was so grateful that I hadn't been placed in certain positions right away because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready in ways He knew and saw, but I didn't. Now I am grown in those areas and He is preparing my heart for what is next, whatever that is, for however long it is.
We are here to please God. Not people.
We have got to be okay with going from palace to pasture... then back to the palace when He sends us again. And then back to the pasture when we are finished in the palace. and back and forth.
Humility. Trust. Love.
-Ari <3
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope this blog post blessed you! Feel free to leave a comment, send me a message, or simply give this a heart. If you have any blog post requests, please REQUEST away! :)
(some highlight pics from summer 2019) :
Comments